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Accepting Fully Who We Are

Our Birth Doula training is very comprehensive and includes not only Optimal Pelvic
Positioning and “The Four Principles,” but also ways in which to enhance character
development. One of the ways we do this is by having our students complete the
BirthWorks Doula Journal Workbook in which one of the exercises is to write responses
to insightful quotations. Here is an inspiring one we would like to share with you that is
pertinent not only to doula work but to life itself.

“The more we become ourselves, the more we change”. – Carl Rogers

This quotation speaks of accepting fully who we are. In a society that tells us how to
act, think, look and feel this can be incredibly difficult. Many seemingly subtle
experiences create a culture of how and who we should think, feel and be – a parent
reassuring a child that, “That didn’t hurt” when they fell off their bike (it might not have
hurt the parent but the child sure is hurt). An Aunt insisting, “Come on and give me a
hug, you’re not shy” – though the child is feeling shy in that moment. Teenagers are told
who they should “like”; until recently this person must have been a member of the
opposite sex. If someone likes long floral skirts they may be seen as old fashioned, or
hippy – everyone seems to have forgotten that floral skirts have gone in and out of
fashion many times over the years. As adults society has all sorts of messages – you
should own your own home; you may only have one sexual partner – a dog and two kids
is a complete family unit; you should be saving for retirement etc etc.

In this barrage of repression many people find it hard to find themselves. It takes a lot
of work to dig through perceived ideas and false personalities to find their true self. It
may even take decades of work through therapy, meditation, restorative practice and life
crises. It’s worth the journey though for once we have found this true self we have
found real freedom and real liberation. Unshackled we are able to live in movement,
flowing with the tide of life, able to shift and change with our current situation or environment. We are free to live completely in the “Now” because we understand that
we are merely consciousness flowing through a series of present moments.

Such acceptance is of huge benefit to us in our practice of being a doula as it allows
one to be flexible and resilient. It let’s us accept that other people are complete
individuals and we are able to differentiate ourselves from them (differentiation being the
ability to hold on to ourselves, our values and our opinions while accepting that there is
room for more than one valid opinion and remaining connected whilst dealing with the
anxiety that comes from these differences in opinion). We realize that though we may
be doing things we may not be comfortable with for our own selves, it may be the best
way to meet the birthing mother’s needs at that time. It allows us to lend ourselves to
our clients though they may not always heed our advice and may make decisions that
we personally would not make. It allows us to be gentle and compassionate in all our
dealings with our birthing couple and with the entire birthing team.